I want you more than these girls want KFC
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
