If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
