where does the pee come out of this thing
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I supernannyed him into submission
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
