Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
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