he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize