Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
