I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
