Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
