By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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