dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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