Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
