thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
