Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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