I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
