my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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