i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
