I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
