Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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