There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize