did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
