you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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