so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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