That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
