you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
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