I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
