First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
