I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
