LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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