how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
