Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Randomize
