New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize