I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So gin and wine won't be happening again
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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