drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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