Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
Hippo gnu deer
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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