Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
