I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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