Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
