Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
