We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize