does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
meet me or not, i'm out of control
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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