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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
