I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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