i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
