Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Actions speak louder than pants.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
