That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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