shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
