dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
