I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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