dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
