I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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