My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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