I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
