You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
