i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
