she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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