Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
