I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
