Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
