Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
