My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
