can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
