She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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