I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
