Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
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